If I take off the lens of a believer and put up the bifocals of a historian and examine Jesus, what do I observe?
What jumps out to me the most about Jesus, or about any of the followers of Jesus?
One thing I notice is that Jesus doesn’t give a CRAP about what people think of him, the rich Romans nor the Jewish Pharisees. He never cared where he stands according to their ladders: the prestigious political Roman ladder or the legalistic religious Jewish ladder. He never cared!
What is most important to any one else (the religious pedigree or the political cleverness) seems be irreverent in Jesus’ frame of mind.
It doesn’t matter how many Teens Conferences I’ve attended, how many fellowships I’ve led, how many mission trips I’ve been on or even how many people that have been saved though my work. It doesn’t even matter what mark I have on my transcript or how many initials are after my name, or how many jobs I’ve had. Those are great things, they look great on a resume. They also look great when I share my testimony. Here is Miss Sunday School girl with her wide grin because she has got it all together. Yah right. There is a dark side to all of these. Jesus doesn’t care about the Christian ladder of striving or the world ladder of career excellence, He cares about my heart and your heart.
That’s not the point. Jesus came to save the sinners, of which I am the worst! If I am not sick, why would I need a physician in the first place? In spite of the incredible miracles that I’ve experienced, in spite of all these significant events in my life that spoke louder than anything else in the world that God loves me and he is true to me. I still doubt him, not because of circumstances, but because I have this human nature in me that wants to run away from Him when he asks, “where are you?” Garden of Eden is awesome, but it’s foreign to me. Sometimes, I am used to be born on the other side of Garden of Eden, sometimes, I forget the greatness that God has bestow upon all of us to give glory back to Him. Sometimes, I just want to veg, and like the Hosea’s wife, I want to run away from the One person that is true and good to me. Why? I can’t even answer that question.
No worries, I am still sticking around, kicking the ground, struggling with God, watching him crumble two ladders (the Christian and the world ladders of excellence) that I’ve been trying to climb all my life. It’s a painful thing to watch, because I know that I need to learn that those ladders don’t define me as much as I want them to, because only God can define me.
I’m not Miss Sunday School girl, I don’t love going to school 17 years in a roll without a break. I don’t. I am sick and tired of those ladders that I’ve used to define me. I am sick of tired of the “goals” I’ve set for myself. I’ve failed tons of times!
Surrender the idol of perfection and just give me Jesus. I don’t want the health care professional hat or the Christian missionary hat to define me. With or without those hats, I still struggle with just choosing to believe Him on a daily basis.
I am a sinner in need of grace, ocean of grace, drowning in His grace.