White as Snow

I do not want to speak as I am a woman with unclean lips, yet I must speak because although my sins are like scarlet, they have been washed as white as snow.

My sins are serious, but I have a much much grandeur and bigger and more glorious God.

White as Snow

I do not want to speak as I am a woman with unclean lips, yet I must speak because although my sins are like scarlet, they are white as snow.

My sins are serious, but I have a much much grandeur and bigger and more glorious God.

Pretense

What convicted me the most about tonight’s Beth Moore teaching on patience is ironically not patience, but pretense.

As I reflect back on the majority of my Christian walk or even the majority of my life (minus the time I was learning how to walk), I saw a lot of pretense.

I learned neat little ways to display as much as possible the perfection of my life superficially to others while point to God and wave around a false humility. In the mean time, I realize that in the process of keeping my life afloat from the outside, I minimized as much as possible what God wanted to teach me through conflicts, difficult situations and hardships. In essence, I neglected the inner work of God and I at times even out right refused God to come deep into my life to take out the junk, because I did such a good job of fooling others and even my self that my life is actually 99.9% perfect.

What is the result of the pretense? The three piece of paper hanging on the wall but superficial friendships. Spiritual leadership minus spiritual depth. I refuse to let that alluring Christian leadership stage light to shine on me until I learn to stare at the junk in my heart and ask God to lead me deeper and then deeper into Him.

Recently as my work life slows down, I am forced to stare at the mess in my private life. Some of the stuff buried so down deep, I didn’t even realize it was there. I have this nauseated feeling that God wants me to own this crap and then receive healing from Him. But the thought of healing is scary because I am used to be broken. Change is scary even if it is toward the better. How messed up is that?

I am glad that I have finally allowed my pride to take second place and allow everything else to slow down, so that God can be the physician and healer that He is meant to be in my life. The funny part is I don’t need to do much except: to wait and be still and trust in His healing hands.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. – Psalm 147: 3

I have a real hard time to believe that God loves me. No I don’t have a hard time to believe that God loves, but a hard time to believe that God loves me.

Jeremiah 1:4-5 “The word of the LORD came to me, saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.” (NIV)

I also have a real hard time to accept God’s love in peace and ease. Like the older brother of the Prodigal Son story, I keep God at a distance.

Zephaniah 3:17
“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” (NIV)

Secretly. I also yearn to enjoy God’s love. I get startled from time to time when God or other people love me.

Psalm 36:5 -7
Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.

Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
O LORD, you preserve both man and beast.

How priceless is your unfailing love!
Both high and low among men
find refuge in the shadow of your wings.” (NIV)

the addiction of worry

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.-Matt 6:34

The church and the world only labels certain sins as sins that require rehab and healing. Other sins don’t make it to the top chart, so people just shrug their shoulders and go on with their lives.

What if I tell you that worry is unbelief, and unbelief is spitting in Jesus’ face while he was on the cross. Does that sound a bit more serious?

What if I tell you that stress/worry can lead to chronic disease? What if I tell you that there seem to be a generalized personality trait with every person with hypertension problem: they tend to worry a lot more than the average person.

I have a confession to make that I am addicted to worry, but I resolve to overcome it with God’s help. It is not trivial and it is not part of my personality, it is sin plain and simple, my health and my faith in God depend on it.