I love the prodigal son story. God always ends up speaking to me through this story. These days, I am taking an extended Sabbath, a time of rest and renewal. I noticed over this past year I have been addicted to work. It’s a deadly addiction that I have acquired over the years. There were times at work as if I am driving a broken car at its full speed. I am trying to run out of gas to prove to God that I am burnt out for the Kingdom then he will allow me to stop. Instead of taking care of my own spiritual needs and brokenness, I numb these unspoken pain and hurt in my heart through work. Just as long the adrenaline is your blood, the high is still there. Most people know exactly what I am talking about.
These days, I have nothing to do. I feel useless. I ask God stupid questions that came straight from my heart, like “Do you love the unbelievers and the kids in East Asia more than me?” That’s a stupid question, a stupid question that the older brother asked when his father welcomed his prodigal brother back home. Instead of standing beside his father waiting for his prodigal brother to come back home, the church, including myself, is often the one barrier that prevents seekers to truly understand the grace of God. We act as if we have the right to initiate other new believers through judging their life styles, but the truth is we are not happy with the past sacrifices we had to make so we force these sacrifices onto others. The bottom line is most Christians don’t even know that they are loved by God unconditionally.
The East Asian societies with their mad work ethics need grace, need freedom, need time to pause and ponder about life without deadlines. I need to learn to live a life to the fullest without addictions to work, without deriving cheap joy from circumstances but real joy from delighting in the Lord.
“Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desire of your heart.” – Psalm 37:4
I am loved. I am biting my tongue on this one, but it’s the truth. I am loved NOT because I speak mandarin and I am a physical therapy student and I have a heart for the lost!!!!!
I am loved because I am His precious princess.
Funnies:
My roommate Tamryn has stolen the clown role that I have always enjoyed playing and I will forgive her for that.
High school tech class:
Presentation time:
Me: super hyper to present our video to the class, yet cannot get the VCR to cooperate with me. 1 min later, I am in tears and I want my mommy. My project partner finally gets up from his seat causally and says, “carol, the tape is not in the VCR.”
GEEZ, THANKS for the help!
Look how skillful Tam has stolen my role, that sneaky little girl =P
The first day she came to visit my place before deciding to move to Kingston.
Me: Look out the window, it’s beautiful we get to see sunset and sunrise from here!
a person with a brain and a straight face: you can’t see both.
Me: oh, maybe just sunrise? =P
5 min later after we have moved onto two other conversations…
Tam: you are so silly carol, you can’t see both.
Seriously, Tam, seriously.
Hence the reason, I have long given up sorting out bills and tips at restaurants, because it’s more irritating than funny to my friends as I make a fool of myself. You know it’s mostly to entertain people. =) That and I need a calculator to do math.
